The New Year & how the rubber meets the road!
I’m hoping that the New Year brings much promise. Being pessimistic by nature, I don’t expect too much, but I do have a cautiously optimistic view of 2009. I will turn 54 this year, and I am starting to feel the ravages that time, and my previous endeavours have wrought upon my psyche and my physical being. I am much more mellow than I was in my squandered youth, because I finally grasped that I could not sustain the level of effort that I was once capable of. When you push, hard, for 30 plus years, you start to learn the wisdom of choosing the battles that are vitally important. It took me until my late 40’s to come to that realization. In retrospect, I should have focused on my core values and taken time off to retreat from the hubbub of daily life to re-orient my life, and re-establish my goals.
There are several elements necessary to balance out your individual perspective on life, and where you are going with it. The first element is the core, which is knowing who you are, and having the courage and the confidence to go forth in the world and interact with your peers. Your core must be formed around the values that your family taught you (if you are blessed with having a good one, as I was). Growing up in a family unit, you realize that you are part of a functional group, and each person has their responsibilities to contribute. If you don’t, then someone else in the group has to pick up the slack of the non-contributor. A healthy family will work together seamlessly, contributing unselfishly to the common goal of the group. (A common goal is also a key component of the core). When the family unit is disrupted by the illness of one, the family comes together and takes over the duties of the sick, and the caregiver. A self healing system, one that if nurtured, can be passed down thru generations.
Needless to say, if you are not blessed with a perfect family unit (and of course, who is) you will have to witness various breakdowns of the system. We are human, built with countless quirks in our individual natures, so these breakdowns are bound to happen, even more so in large families. This is where the elements of compassion, and the love of your family, can bring you back into equalibrium, and thereby balance your core. Over time, each member of this mini society will have their own crisis, and each crisis will be unique. These crises can bring chaos, or they can be handled in an compassionate and caring manner. It is up to the leaders of the family to guide the fellow members of the family thru these difficult times.
The problem is that there is no formal school to teach parents how to handle these crisis’s. My lament to my fellow parents was that children did not come with an instruction sheet! I now realize is that I had the opportunity to learn the right way of doing things since I was already part of my own family, and I did not learn while I was part of it. Of course I picked up a lot of good habits that helped me have a rudimentary idea of what to do (Because my parents were a good example of what to do). But I am still dumbfounded on how something so complicated as children is left to parents who are nearly incompetent to ascertain the correct way to handle the facile mind of a child (let alone the troubled mind of a teenager). The “perfect family” does not exist!
So, going back to the core. It is a compilation of what your parents infused in you, and the experiences that you learned on your own. Who you are, and who you will become, is the sum of your experiences, and (most importantly) how you adapted to the challenges you meet along the path of life. You will fail, and you will succeed. The ratio of wins to losses is what most people keep score on, but it is much more important to consider this, Mother Nature has built in to each and every one of us the ability to adapt to changes, to allow us to survive. When you rake the leaves, you get blisters first, then you get callouses. Our psyche can take a beating too, but here is where it pays to keep a strong core. Your psychic core will overcome abuse of all kinds, as long as you have built your foundation (core) on solid ground. It requires a confidence borne of knowing yourself intimately, and having a value system burned in your soul to be able to figure out what is right and wrong. Another gift from your parents.
After the core comes the next critical element - Determining and developing the talents that you were given. First you have to find out what talents you are blessed with. The next step is to obtain the necessary knowledge to help you refine your skill set, and test your abilities against your peers. This experience helps you to see how you can contribute to the world in a meaningful way.
This is where the rubber meets the road. Up to this point you have expended countless hours in the quest of knowledge, now is the time to utilize this in a gainful way. That is what makes you want to get up in the morning and go to work, knowing that you are making a meaningful contribution, and the money helps pay the bills too!
My Personal Epiphany
I look back to the mentoring that I got from my mom & dad, which was to work constantly, and hard. I understood what my unique contribution was to the family unit. Since I was the youngest of four children, I was left alone more, so I used that time to read anything that had pages. I lived vicariously thru the adventures of the many authors of many fine works. But alas, I had to climb out from behind the protection of the family unit, detach from the fantasy world of books, and enter the outside world. I had several jobs that I thought were enough to keep me happy, but I had not yet found my passion. I floundered for 5 years before I had to tear myself away from the comfortable job, and go on a sabbatical. Nice thought, but when you quit the job, you don’t have money.
My parents tolerated my search for a couple of months, but then became more forceful in assisting my search for a job. I did not realize it at the time, but their pushing was very necessary, because I would have stayed in that vegetative state for the rest of my life! My older brother was the supervisor of a construction jobsite on the other side of town, and he offered to introduce me to the owners of the companies that were constructing the condominiums, in the hopes of obtaining a good job for me in the trades.
I went just to escape the constant nagging of my well meaning mother who wanted to see me using my brain for a change. Well, I ended up scooping up the big clods of mud that were flung from between the tires of the many cement trucks that were driving up and down the road constantly. Not real hi-tech work, but I did have a strong back then. I kept this up for a couple of weeks, and finally got bored with the whole thing, so I just decided that I did not want to go back. My brother was pissed at me, because he was now without a good worker, and he probably would have to hire someone else to do the same work.
When he asked why I did not come to work that day, I told him that none of the business owners were interested in giving me a job, so why should I come back? He told me that his boss was asking where I was! That surprised me, because up to this point there was no commitment from my brothers’ boss to have me work full time for him, just a couple bucks on the side. I was surprised that his boss wanted me to come work for him, and I was secretly pleased that I had made a noticeable contribution to the jobsite. Bam! I had a job, and they liked what I could do! That was all it took for me to get off my posterior, and start feeling like I was a part of the working world again!
I found out that I had a lot of skills that I had learned from my Dad from working on the many projects around the house. If it were not for those projects I would not have had anything to contribute at all, so I really have to thank my Mom and Dad for giving me what it took to get this job. I became very passionate about this job, and contributed all that I knew to the company. When my brother left on a two week vacation, I was left in charge of the jobsite! I was in control of all of the trades that were on the jobsite. There were electricians, carpenters, plumbers, telephone guys, excavators, landscapers, siding guys, carpet guys, garage door installers, painters, and the condo owners who were moving in, all on the jobsite simultaneously! I was the “go to guy” for any, and all questions, and I thrived on it!
My personal self worth was fortified by so many people needing me, and I loved being the co-ordinator of this marvelous dance! I was only 24 years old, and had no more experience that being a camera repair tech for 5 years, and a do it yourselfer. I had now graduated to the big time! It was a heady experience! Finally, I figured out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Construction was a booming business at the time, and I loved seeing the tangible result of the effort put forth every day. There is nothing like driving down the newly paved road surrounded by 36 new condo’s, knowing that you were instrumental in getting them ready for people to move in. I was finally contributing! i can’t tell you what that did for me! I met my future wife during those times, and so many other good things happened to me during that time that were all a result of finding my purpose, and the confidence that comes with that!
In retrospect, I see that I was fortunately surround with other hard working souls who shared my passion for construction. I have gained from the synergy that these fine people have shared with me. I have learned much from this school of hard knocks, more that I could have from any college in the land. Even though I no longer work in the trades, the experiences I learned in that all too short period of time served me well. Forged in the crucible, I quickly was able to gain traction. My previous jobs did not utilize my abilities, I was just like a car with a powerful engine up on jackstands. The rubber had yet to meet the road!
Thanks for listening!
JC
PS - Tip for the Day - Surround yourself with hard working people, and work just as hard or harder than they do, and just watch where you end up!!!
Next Installment - Guiding and controlling the power
